And…. it came to pass in the year 2007

January 4, 2009

So someone sent me this…and it made me smile!
And…. it came to pass in the year 2007, that verily, the Lord came unto Noah, (who was now living in Ballymoney), and said, “Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see all manner of evils, terrorists in government and the end of all flesh before me. Build me another Ark and save two of every living thing, along with a few good Free Presbyterians.”

And he said...

And he said...

And lo, He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard –
but no Ark. “Noah!” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the
“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed.

“I needed Building Control approval and I’ve been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system.

“My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site, even though in my view it is a temporary structure. We had to then go to appeal to the Planning Appeals Commission for a decision.

“Once Seymour Sweeney saw what I was up to, he submitted alternative plans with the backing of the local MP, and you have no idea how hard it was convincing a Paisley that you were actually on my side.

“Then the Department of the Environment demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

“Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go! And in July I had to pay off racketeers as insurance against the local kids taking the wood for the Eleventh Night bonfire.

“When I started gathering the animals, the USPCA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. They said if he spotted me with any pit bulls, I would never see the Ark float.

“Nor was I aware that marching the animals on to the Ark two by two constituted a parade, so I had to apply to the Parades Commission for permission. They just couldn’t get their heads round the fact that the end of the world is nigh, and that telling people it was could maybe even have a positive effect on community relations.

“Then the Borough Council, the DoE and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact stud on your proposed flood.

“I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many disabled carpenter’s I’m supposed to hire for my building team. The trades unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only accredited workers with Ark-building experience.

“Then Harland & Wolff stepped in, and said the project hadn’t been subject to normal tendering practices, as they hadn’t been allowed to present a business plan, so the whole thing went to judicial review. It didn’t help that the judge’s grandfather had worked on the Titanic and thought I was taking the piss.

“To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. After several neighbours accused me of being ‘on drugs’, the Assets Recovery Agency took some persuading that I had managed to put this project together without any visible means of income after I said I was relying on divine intervention.

“So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish
this Ark.”

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched
across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy Northern Ireland?”

“No,” said the Lord. “The Assembly beat me to it.”


BBC NEWS | World | Middle East | Israeli troops clash with Hamas

January 4, 2009

So.. they have moved in. Not satisfied with killing hundreds from the air Israel has decided to blood its ground troops.There is no excuse for this exercise in mass murder. Everyone needs to call upon their MP to raise this with the government.

You can do this quickly on this site: Write To Them It’s quick and painless for you to contact all your MPs, MEP and MLAs. Let’s do it.

To help you out here is the text of the message I have sent to all my representatives. Please feel free to adapt this for your own message if you find it useful.

I wrote:-
Please contact Gordon Brown on my behalf and alert him to the urgent need to put pressure on the government of Israel to stop their current bombing campaign and withdraw their troops from the Gaza Strip.

The government of Israel has been entirely wrong in this matter. It has used disproportionate force in trying to solve their problem. The mass murder of innocents is not something that the Israelis can be proud of.

Please urge Brown to sever ALL relations with Israel until such time as hostilities cease and reparation is made by Israel.


Isreal… cut the crap. GET OUT.

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BBC NEWS | World | Middle East | Israel renews air strikes on Gaza

December 28, 2008

No excuses, Isreal.

STOP…. now!

-Palestinian officials raised the number killed on Saturday to 271;
-Israel said it targeted 30 sites overnight;
-Israel says at least 110 rockets have been fired over the weekend;
-Most of those killed were policemen in the Hamas militant movement;
-women and children also died;
-about 700 others were wounded as missiles struck security compounds and militant bases;
-in Israel, one person was killed, in the town of Netivot;

Isreal.. you MUST stop this indiscriminate killing. NOW.

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Earth to Earth….dust to dust.

September 21, 2007

It’s funny how the mind works some days, isn’t it? For instance, I had occasion to spend a couple of hours yesterday in Dromore, County Tyrone. I have been there many times but I’m always traveling through and I’ve just never taken the time to pause. But yesterday I got out of the car and had a wee wander. I highly recommend getting out of the car – it’s amazing what you find!

I came across this scene:-


It turns out that Read the rest of this entry »

Day of Reflection

June 22, 2007

I’ve just come across this activity, Day of Reflection, and the associated website. Well done all those involved. Sadly, I missed the detail of this 21.6.07 event and so didn’t take advantage of what was on offer yesterday (DOH!) but I found it really useful visiting the website to-day. Not least because it shows that there are other people throughout Northern Ireland and beyond trying to build a peaceful future by looking at the past. You might want to take a look.


I’d love to hear how others got on and Read the rest of this entry »

Religion… dead or what?

June 10, 2007

It’s a Sunday morning and the sun is shining so it seems an appropriate time to bring this subject up. Yip.. you got it in one.. religion!

Now, I may be wrong here, but everyone perceives Northern Ireland as a “religious” war, don’t they? We hear so often that it is Roman Catholic versus Protestant in Northern Ireland. We talk so frequently about the religious divide we expect to find it on every street corner. But here’s the thing.. we’ve moved on, haven’t we? I don’t mean with the peace process thing and the political thing and the discrimination thing… I mean we’ve moved on with the religious thing. And, if the truth be told, I’m not all that sure that’s a good thing!

You see, the time was when every Roman Catholic chapel in any size of a town ran Sunday Mass at 7am, 8am, 9am, 10am, 11am and 12noon. Every Protestant and Presbyterian church held well-attended services a couple of times on a Sunday. Now, Read the rest of this entry »