Washington Post Mensa Invitational

And so we have the latest version of the Washington Post Mensa Invitational. I think these are pretty funny and, as last year, issue the challenge for Northern Ireland to better them!!!

Balloons!

The Balloons are up! 🙂

The rules are simple:
readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

And the Washington Post winners were these:-
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the Person who doesn’t get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious           bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

And when you’ve finished with that little lot why not try this effort where readers were asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The Washington Post published the winning submissions to this year’s contest:-

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon , n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

Don’t be shy… give it a Northern Ireland go.

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5 Responses to Washington Post Mensa Invitational

  1. And Then... says:

    And then we have SAD, the disease usually found in winter. However the real meaning has just come to light-
    SAD: Seasonal Affectionate Disorder: A disease, the chief symptom of which is the hugging of people at Christmas that you hate from December 26th until December 20th!

  2. B.E. says:

    My additions:

    Asstigmatism: An incurrable disease that causes an urge to kick
    someone in the ass
    Spondaneous: To enter the dating scene with full force because you
    realize that there are many fish in the pond
    Repurrent: Someone who repeatedly fake purrs in bed to satisfy a
    dimwit lover
    Vivixious: Unlively in spirit due to the prolonged use of vix
    Asinptomatic : Showing no evidence of remorse after committing a terrible sin
    Mciser: One who lives very meagerly in order to hoard french fries

  3. David MacKenzie says:

    shticky: tacky humor

  4. Tone Up says:

    Man I wish my blog was as well written as yours! 🙂 great work! I guess I am still learning and started on a tough topic, weight loss!

  5. Dave G says:

    Mensa Challenge:
    Enology (pronounced eenology), the study of wine and winemaking, becomes: Penology – (n.) The study of piss poor wines.

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