Pet hates…1!

So this item is likely to grow…hence the 1!!

Just come back from a quick visit to grab an essential item from one of the numerous “forecourt emporiums” (garage shops to you and me!) where everyone and his auntie seems to be shopping nowadays. And they do a fine job but I must admit to sorta missing the old corner shop where everything needed at a moment’s notice could be found by a friendly dusty old git who didn’t speak and reeked of stale pipe smoke. But that is taking me off track so….. back to me story.

trolley2.jpgOn this quick trip I came across my pet hate – number one on my list of things that make me pull out the little hair I have left the forgetful shopper. Now I’m not talking about some poor guy who can’t remember what he came in for so he wanders around the place looking lost and doing a passable impression of one of the 4400. I just feel sorry for such mirror images of myself! No I’m talking about the serial forgetful shopper….. you know the one I mean. Let me help you remember… Just as you are almost at the counter she – it’s always a she – jumps in with her arms full of 10 pieces of junk ranging from sweeties for the crying wean to wee buns for the husband and mother-in-law trapped at home. Being half mannerly you say nothing about the blatant queue jumping opting instead to quietly hope she breaks a leg on the way out of the shop. But then it starts………

This loon hasn’t really finished her shopping. She doesn’t have everything she wants so she flusters around saying, “Oh I forgot the…(fill in the blanks yourself here).” and then proceeds to run off down the shop to clear the shelves of another half dozen useless purchases that she’s remembered are totally essential. Meantime, a massive queue has formed waiting for the only checkout, the wee checkout lassie is looking apologetically busy but there are only so many ways to re-arrange the shopping in a bag before she just looks silly, the people in the queue are looking glassy-eyed in despair or heavenward for strength and all the time dilly-day-dreams is prancing around the shop grabbing more stuff she forgot she needed.

Now I happen to have a cure for all this but I’m not sure she’d listen so I keep quiet and inspect my paltry purchases intently while biting my tongue hard to prevent any possibility of passing on my shopping tips in an aggressive manner while my hot deli sandwich goes cold and my freezzie pops warm up irretrievably. But… here are my tips for all you folk afflicted with FSS – “forgetful shopper syndrome”. And if you don’t suffer from FSS but have a friend who does please…please…please feel free to pass these tips on.

1. Before you go shopping – make a list of what you need – this way you will know why you are out of the house. (tip: write your name and address on the back – that way we’ll know where to take you if you forget where you live while shopping.)

2. Take your list with you to the shop! (tip: don’t put the list at the bottom of your massive handbag ‘cos that way you’re sure NOT to find it!)

3. When you enter the shop – lift a basket. (tip: use it to hold your purchases – that is why the shop invested in them – so people can use them to carry multiple purchases! (I know.. I know.. you hadn’t thought of that….))

4. Don’t approach the counter checkout until you have all your purchases – yes… I’m aware that it is a novel approach to shopping for you but in the long run you’ll find it prevents SRS – “shopper rage syndrome” – that’s where fellow shoppers chop you into tiny bits where the spy cameras can’t see and bury you with the fish fingers in the freezer section. [Why there? – well no-one buys fish fingers anymore so there is little chance of you being found… is there?]

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One Response to Pet hates…1!

  1. homesick hannah says:

    my pet hate is people who talk really loudly on their mobile phone on buses & trains and its always an embarrassing conversation about their last trip to the doctors and the origin of that fungal growth on their toe…..eeeeurgh! more information than I ever wanted to know about random strangers!

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